To the Girl Who Doesn't Feel Good Enough
“She’s prettier than me.”
“He picked her over me, there must be something wrong with me.”
“I’m not pretty or enough for him.”
“Someone’s already doing that way better than I would, so why should I?”
“I’m just not smart enough for that.”
Raise your hand if you’ve ever said these to yourself, or even to a friend. We say these things so innocently. We cry on our bedroom floor because we don’t feel like our skills and our God-given talents aren’t good enough for this world. We fear that we’re just “average” and that someone else out there is doing a better job at what you’re doing.
It’s comparison. Yeah, that overused word that every writer and blogger has written about. But we do compare our lives to other people, and tear ourselves down in the process. We compare our work to others, and think that someone else’s opinion and someone else’s project is better. Why? Idk really, but I do know that it’s our mind playing tricks on us. Our mind that has been influenced by outside society telling us to always work harder and to always improve. “Be the best you that you can be” and “work hard and hustle hard.” We fear that we can be easily replaced with something better. We fear that the fabulous work that we do isn’t good enough compared to that one girl in your marketing class. We fear that your blog post is the same old, same old and done before compared to brilliant and talented writers on the Internet. That fear that someone else is doing the same exact work but better, is what is telling us to stop and is causing us to live out of fear instead of faith.
Psalms has been on my heart recently, and I thought I’d share this one verse with y’all:
“Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved. But you, O God, will cast them down into the pit of destruction … But I will trust in you.” -Psalm 55:22-23, ESV
We also fear that we’re not good enough for that guy, because they simply didn’t pick us. That guy ignored you over the supermodel with long legs. That guy in brushed past you and picked the girl that may be “prettier.” You look at yourself, and wonder if you’re pretty enough, smart enough, tanned enough, toned enough … and then your mind feeds you lies that say you aren’t. And you’re back to crying on your bedroom floor because over one guy who simply said, “you’re just not good enough.”
I’m kind of fed up with this. I’m kind of fed up with the idea of not being enough for the world’s standards. I’m fed up with the idea that we have this pressure to be the best person that we can be. Why can’t we just show up in our lives, eager to live every day as happy as we can be? Why does society have to tell us that we have to “hustle” to get to where we can be? Why does society have to tell us we have to be a certain body type, and if we’re not, we have to be happy with any size? Why does society have to tell us that we should constantly be better than the person we were yesterday? Why can’t society tell us to just live our lives as happy as we can be and live our lives for the Person that created us?
If you clicked on this post expecting some drawn-out solution to comparison and the feeling of not being good enough, then I’m sorry. That’s not what this is. Even as I’m writing this post, I am still struggling with comparing myself to other people and comparing my work to others. We do it every day—we read articles written in our fields and wonder, I can do that … but then that little voice inside your head says you can’t. They mask it with, “you’re not experienced enough,” and “you’re not smart enough for that yet,” and “that’s silly, that’s for adults.”
But there is one solution to this oversaturated problem. There is One, and if you know where I’m headed, brace yourselves. God continues to show up for you. God continues to appear to you, even when you don’t realize it. He loves you and keeps you, He won’t belittle you and tell you that you’re not pretty enough or tell you to constantly “be better” for the world. God is the Person who sits next to you and holds your hand as you cry on the bedroom floor. He picks you up when you fall, and lays next to you in the grass. He shows up. He shows up when you feel rotten, ugly, shameful, average, beaten-down, and upset. He shows up when you feel the most alone, and He also shows up at your highs, too. We serve a great God and I don’t think many people remember that in their low points. Yes, we serve a forgiving God, a merciful God, a gracious God, a patient God … but we also serve a great God. He is great. He is a loving God. Let Him love you and let His arms envelop you as you work this feeling of “not being good enough.” Because I promise you, once you let Him in and continue to seek Him in the every day moments, and constantly go to Him even in times of distress and even when you don’t want to, you’ll start to see yourself living for His presence instead of the worldly standards.
God urges and encourages us to live in faith, not fear. When you fear, you lose faith in God and start to focus your heart on worldly things, like a college degree or financial stability. But when you put your faith in God and who He is, then God will will protect you and keep you from harm. He loves you.
“For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit.” -Romans 8:5, ESV
So next time you compare yourself to your classmate who constantly gets praise and As on their exams, and you look down at your own A and say that you’re not as smart enough, stop. Recognize the lie that your mind is inserting. Recognize the lie the enemy tries to tell you to get you away from the One who created you. Smash that lie. Smash that lie with thoughts of love, peace, and grace. Let God into your life, let God do what He does best—show up. Set your mind on things of the Spirit. Let God show up for you. He is pretty great and can use you to do wonders for His kingdom.