How To Be More Confident In Your 20s
I struggle daily with confidence. That’s it—that’s the brutal, honest truth. Growing up, I hardly felt confident in my own skin. I always was critical of my own body and thought myself too fat or not pretty enough. I also had low self-esteem and I didn’t feel worthy of love.
Confidence, in a very basic Google definition, means, “the state of feeling certain about the truth of something.” The definition underneath that means, “a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.” I’m not sure what this means in the grand scheme of my confidence levels, but my basic guess is that I need constant reassurance and I don’t have full assurance that my skills are up to par compared to other people (whether they’re in my field or in my social life). That also translates well to how I see my body; I certainly don’t think I have a feeling of assurance arising from my appreciation of my body. But I’m working on that.
As I grew up, in college and even now in my 20s, I have become more confident in myself and started to unpack that low self-esteem and low confidence levels and realize how awesome and incredible and beautiful I am. I started to appreciate my body for everything it is and has done for me. In doing all of this unpacking, I started to incorporate daily practices that increase my confidence.
Here are some tips that I just try to remind myself to do when I’m feeling less confident on some weeks. Hope this helps, let me know if you want more!
Say “no” more.
You don’t need to say yes to everything to please everyone. Spoiler alert: you’re not going to please everyone. Be confident in being alone. Allow yourself to say no, if this is something that you struggle with.
Use less exclamation points.
This may be small, but you don’t need to add several exclamation points after a sentence that only needs a period. When I use exclamation points, especially after, “no worries,” I tend to reassure others that I’m not mad at them, or even just insecure about my own insecurities. Whatever, I don’t need to add the exclamation points, and you don’t need to, either.
Stop apologizing.
I didn’t mean to be like Rachel Hollis and say, “girl, stop apologizing.” But I think this is pretty self-explanatory; you don’t need to apologize for everything. Own it. Own your mistakes (unless you actually need to apologize). Live unapologetically. I think a big strength someone once told me is to know when to apologize, say “I’m sorry,” and learn for the next time.
Enjoy the silence.
Learn how to be alone. Be on your own. The scary news is, you’re on your own now. The cool news is, you’re on your own now. Embrace being alone and learn how to be confident by yourself. Confidence comes from within.
Be kind to yourself.
Talk to yourself positively and engage in no more negative self-talk! Practice those affirmations that your therapist assigned you. They actually work! Practice those affirmations in the mirror when you’re getting dressed, in the car, on your commute, at a holiday party when you have social anxiety, or anywhere.
Practice gratitude.
What are you thankful for? Focus on the good things you have (i.e., blessings) instead of what you don’t have.
Remind yourself on what’s important.
This can be goals, your blessings, what you are passionate about—anything.
Remember when things went well.
Focus specifically on a situation when you were anxious about something, and that something turned out well. Things do work out! This is where journaling your accomplishments comes in handy—you can go back and see when things worked out well, especially when you were anxious about it beforehand.
Practice good posture.
This is one of the easiest things you can do to be more confident. Sometimes, standing straighter (and doing the Wonder Woman pose) helps your confidence levels tremendously.
Take deep breaths.
Deep, calm breaths. As Taylor Swift said it best, breathe in, breathe out. You’re on your own kid, you can face this.
Remember that your life won’t be exactly like the person’s next to you.
Live your life instead of the person’s next to you. Stop comparing your life to that person next to you. You are your own individual person. Live unapologetically. The things that make up who you are, make up who you are, and no one else can take that away from you.
Wear your favorite color.
This helps confidence levels skyrocket, tremendously!!!! Just trust me. (I know I just used multiple exclamation points, contrary to my earlier point, but it was to make a point, not to make you like me.)
Support other people.
Your friends, family, colleagues, etc. We all struggle with anxiety, low confidence levels, low self-esteem at some points in our lives. You never know who may be struggling. Lift others up, support one another. We all need it.