Why oh why did I decide to recap “The Bachelorette” again? I did this before with Peter’s season, then eh stopped it for a little bit. But now I’m back with a recap that no one asked for. I’m kind of excited to write this, even if no one asked for it?

The episode starts off with the day after a rose ceremony. A short recap: Noah and Bennett are in the middle of it, rather, Bennett is yelling at Noah and Noah is just sitting there like. We already know that Noah and Bennett make it through the rose ceremony because they’re on this week’s two-on-one date. I feel like she’ll pick Noah; I mean, based on her reaction in the promo to Bennett’s whole emotional intelligence thing (been there), she’ll go with the youth.

Cut to Jojo arriving, a former Bachelorette. (How many Bachelorettes can they have on one season?) With a bottle of champagne. I’m not even surprised, at either point. Looking at their conversation, we see a more reserved side to Tayshia. Is that just me?! She looks focused on the conversation, like she really wants to hear advice. It makes me think back to her conversation with the guys—she is 100 percent focused on them and their conversation.

Flash to the guys. Can we just focus on Bennett in a polo? Okay, Bennett fandom aside. I’m sure that will fade once this episode is over. Now Chris Harrison walks in, of course; an absolute gem of a man. This week: there’s three dates—two one-on-one dates and a group date. But then Chris says he has to make a major announcement. Jojo steps in as Chris’s temporary replacement.

(Pretends to be shocked) We all knew this was going to happen. I’m glad they’re taking safety measures and not just sending Chris to take his son to college and return right away, but I also think this might be a test in case Chris retires or Bachelor producers suddenly decide to pull a DWTS and host switcheroo. (Miss you Tom and Erin.)

Zac got the first one-on-one date. I’m not surprised, he’s definitely a top player, but I wouldn’t call him a frontrunner just yet. He came off as a player to me, but knowing his backstory and further getting to know his backstory, I think he could have a deeper story. I’m excited to see his date. I hope he’s a good match for Tayshia, but do I think he’s going to “win” her heart at the very end? I’m really not so sure. I think they can have something “real,” instead of the fake in-the-moment stuff that most Bachelor people pull, but we’ll see.

First One-On-One Date: ZAC AND TAYSHIA

“What are we doing today?” “Nothing much, do you want to have fun?” “Yeah, let’s go!” (Pulls up to a wedding photo shoot) Is it just me, and I read this on iHategreenbeans’s blog too, does Tayshia seem guarded with Zac? She looks afraid to open up to him, but ??? It’s like she’s second guessing it. It—or Zac? Is she second guessing a wedding in general or Zac specifically?

Is it also just me, or does it seem too foreshadowing to plan this wedding date? Like does this mean that Tayshia only has her guard up because she knows deep down that Zac is the ONE? What does this mean?! She said she seems hesitant, which makes sense, because this is bringing up old memories of her own wedding—but Zac is acting like an absolute patient gem and making her comfortable. Do I personally think that they’re right for each other? Like I mentioned earlier, I’m really not so sure. Like when I look at their relationship, I see a big ole question mark.

Sure, when Tayshia jumps on a trampoline in a ball gown she looks like a princess. But when I do? I get triple chins for days.

Now we jump to their “talk.” She starts to open up about her married experience. We learn that Zac was once married as well, and I think that made Zac even more attractive to Tayshia.

And now jumping to their dinner date, I have to start off—Tayshia can literally wear a potato sack and she’d still look amazing. Now, she’s saying “I feel like we have something we can’t really explain” and I feel like that’s the normal equivalency of Clare saying “I feel like I just met my husband.”

Whew. Zac. Okay. My fingers hesitate to type, because well, to put it in Tayshia’s words … “that’s a lot.” I’m almost on the verge of tears. It’s not even a typical sob story, but it’s mature. Honestly, Zac is the definition of a grown a$$ man—no, he’s a REAL man.

PRODUCERS INTERRUPT THAT SPECIAL MOMENT WITH MAN DRAMA. PLEASE, GO BACK TO ZAC AND TAYSHIA.

Second date card: Spencer, Ivan, Ed, Blake, Brendan, Riley, Demar, Bennett, Ben, Noah.

Before we move onto the group date, we go back to Tayshia and Zac. I think he’s pretty incredible too, Tayshia. From what we saw tonight, I truly think that Zac and Tayshia could make it far. At least to hometowns. And that’s not even saying “oh, let’s meet his family.” I just think that he could steal Tayshia’s heart. Their date is just all-around adorable and you can’t ignore that chemistry. Is it safe to say that I’m completely in love with Zac already? (I mean, Ben is still my favorite.) But Zac is clearly warming up to every girl’s heart (including Tayshia’s) in America rn and filling all of our expectations in a man. Although I still have reservations about him, and I think Tayshia does too, he definitely deserved that rose.

Group Date: Spencer, Ivan, Ed, Blake, Brendan, Riley, Demar, Bennett, Ben, Noah

Oh man, how much nudity is on this show? So they have to paint this nude couple. And oh my. Some of these “paintings” (do they have chalk?) are just…kindergarten level. Not even kindergarten level. Not that I can talk, because I literally draw stick figures.

First of all, I just cannot at Blake’s clay art formation. Can he get an honorable mention? I just can’t get it out of my head. I just feel like he’s done with this season and trying to last until he can secure a spot on “Bachelor in Paradise.” Stop wasting Tayshia’s time and just get him a spot on Paradise so he can go home. He’s not just wasting everyone’s time, he’s especially wasting Tayshia’s time.

The whole Noah and Bennett drama…oooh so much drama. It’s hard to convey tone over typing this, but I’m legit rolling my eyes right now. Bennett is being over the top, like usual. That’s something I didn’t notice before because we all thought Bennett’s charm was just a part of his charm—but it’s back to my gut instinct at night one. Bennett is actually a snob and thinks he’s better than everyone else. Just send him to Paradise. And you can’t send him to Paradise without his drama partner … Noah. I’m sorry, but I just don’t see Noah and Tayshia ending up together. I think Tayshia has deeper relationships than the one she has with Noah, and with Bennett if I may add, to remain keeping Noah around.

And now with the self-portraits. I cannot wait to see how these men see themselves. Some (like Riley, Ivan, and Ben) might actually take this seriously. But some (Bennett, Noah) don’t.

This last challenge. Noah, typical. Some producer probably told him to do that. Brendan—SO cute. Adorable. I love it. I’m weeping. I’m sobbing into my ice cream. And then Ivan. My heart. My heart. My heart. I’m crying. Even Bennett slightly took it seriously, and he revealed that he didn’t grow up with privilege. Aw.

And then there’s Blake and Riley. Ahhh. My heart. AND THEN BEN. Is it just me, or is it that Ben seemed a little fake? I get where he’s coming from, and I completely love him and he’s my favorite, but it seemed like a last-ditch effort to me. Like, all the other guys were impressing her with their stories, and so he had to come up with something on the fly. Don’t get me wrong—it totally worked. I’m still completely head over heels for Ben. Where was I going with that? Sorry, I was too busy thinking about Ben’s hunky shoulders.

Now we go to the group date cocktail party. I looked up and saw Spencer, and I literally forgot about him. But I’m not letting my guard down with that one—it’s always the quiet ones that always end up at the final two.

It’s Riley who pulled Tayshia first, and I’m excited to hear more of his story. His parents got divorced when he was young and hearing how he reconciled with his mom … like it’s truly something special.

More Ivan and Tayshia content, please. And Tayshia and Brendan. I think Tayshia is genuinely intrigued by Brendan; they’re drawn together.

Before Ben and Tayshia, there’s a little drama peeked between Noah and Bennett. You didn’t miss anything if you had to go refill your bowl of popcorn—they just bickered at each other and Bennett once again accused Noah of being a child.

Okay, now Ben and Tayshia. Ooh. Let’s get started. I trust that Ben is telling the truth—and I commend him for sharing his heart. Him talking about having an eating disorder is an important conversation (I mean, Ivan and Tayshia’s conversation on BLM and George Floyd and race last week was more important IMO). “No one likes the fat kid” I clapped my hands. I’m just so incredibly proud of Ben for opening up that conversation. Man, Tayshia has a great group of men here. I’m incredibly proud of Ben, Ivan, Zac, and Riley for opening up these conversations and talking about them … as men. Most of the time, men are supposed to be “macho” and strong and conceal their feelings, but these specific men are just some that are trying to break down those barriers.

And that being said, Ben gets the rose. To be fair, I’m a little disappointed that Riley or Ivan didn’t get the rose, but Ben still deserves the rose.

And now Noah and Bennett are at it again. Tayshia, while leaving the room, stated that she’s “going to get to the bottom of this.” And now they fight. Frankly, I just want to tell Tayshia to send both of them home because I’m so tired of it. Make room for Ivan, Riley, Ben, Brendan, and Zac. Please. I am tired of the drama.

Blake, Spencer, and Noah all gather in the mansion for a split second. Just send Blake home. I loved Blake at first, but he’s just immature. Again, maybe send him to Paradise? But even then … do we want to see him in Paradise?

One-on-One Date: Eazy and Tayshia

I love a good (appropriate) haunted house as the next person. But to some extent. All I’m saying, is that I would scream at the top of my lungs. Just watching this date just makes me look over my shoulder. But other than that, is it just me or does this date seem boring? I feel like there’s no connection here.

Okay, now let’s focus on Eazy and Tayshia. Eazy is claiming love, only in his confessional. Let’s see if this “love” is real and not just coming from a hundred new Instagram followers.

Now as he has revealed his love feelings to Tayshia, let’s see how she reacts. The guys back at the house, unbeknownst that he’s revealing his feelings at this moment, thinks that their connection seems real. Is it just me, or does Tayshia seem uninterested in this conversation? Like I think she wants to be interested only a little, but she just isn’t reciprocating the feelings.

Whoa whoa whoa … did not expect that. Tbh, I didn’t really expect anything with Eazy. I just thought he’d get sent home with a cocktail party. But to send Eazy home like this, after he just confessed his feelings … yikes. You better pack your bags for Paradise, Eazy!

Side note: I keep remembering that they’re stuck at this resort and that they don’t get to travel anywhere. The men (and Tayshia most likely) are probably getting a little antsy and fidgety. It’s like all of us in this pandemic, right? I mean, they don’t get to travel or anything. No romantic dates abroad. That’s gotta be hard. But—I guess who would you want to quarantine with when a pandemic arises is the true question of love. Even still, this is a different season and it’s interesting to see it play out and how each date has to be creative instead of just jetting off to Paris or Thailand and finding love in a foreign country.

Noah and Bennett: Two-on-One

Every time Bennett speaks, he speaks in big words. Like not just “big words” like ooh and ahh, but he uses words like “perplexed” when he obviously could use confused. Like we get it, you went to Harvard. What? Like it’s hard?

I sort of wish Tayshia would just send home both. On one hand, Bennett is that mature “grown a$$ man” that she wants, but Bennett has also been in the middle of all of this drama. And then there’s Noah, who very much reminds me of John Paul Jones all of a sudden. He’s young like JPJ, and I see how Tayshia can be attracted to him. I feel like Tayshia’s decision comes down to emotional maturity and who has it; both are somewhat emotionally mature, but they also are still in this drama. Bennett acts like he isn’t, but he still fights with Noah, so we can’t take him too seriously.

Alright, into it. If we’re going straight into looks, I think Bennett wins that category. I love Noah’s jacket, but he ruins it with the socks showing too much. Now Bennett brings this gift. I have a hunch of what it is …

I actually didn’t expect this. I don’t know if he’s being sarcastic, but when he brought out that last gift on emotional intelligence, that just emulates bullying and unkindness. And we’re not here for it. At this point, I’m ready for Tayshia to send both of these boys home.

And we have a To Be Continued…

By the looks of the promo, next week is going to be a whirlwind. Do I think that Tayshia will send Noah and Bennett home? Will we get a revelation from Zac and their relationship will come crumbling down? Will Ben still remain my number one favorite? I don’t know about you, but this season is getting good; Tayshia is ending up to be one of the most fabulous, mature, amazing Bachelorettes ever.